01/May/2021

Do you ever feel like people are ignoring you on purpose? In a bunch of minor ways that makes it feel like it's not just separate cases.

Like how it always seems chats specifically die when I get in, there will be some discussion going on, the the instant I comment on something it suddenly changes to something else. Or, simply I'll be online for some time and the chat will be really slow and empty, then I leave for 10 minutes and now there are a fifty new messages right when I get back, which whill also make the chat slow again.

I've literally never had someone approach me for anything; whenever I start talking to someone, a few minutes in and suddenly they have some urgent thing to do; Even when I've talked to them, and they seem to be fine with me, no one has ever really returned.

Even with peopel I consider friends, we never do anything together if not for situational things, because I guess the moment I have some free time is always the exact moment they also have something to do. Or they will play a hundred games, none I play, and play none of the games I play, or not be into any movie or show. Any type of game that "is better with friends" is not made for me.

On school I always had to have the teacher remind people I existed for someone to chose me for a team.
I once had to edit a video for a presentation, only one single person commented anythign about it.

Again, these are a bunch of specific cases... that all together makes me feel like it's on purpose. Sometimes I question if I may have some mental issue that everyone knows but doesn't want to tell me; Or some floating sign saying "do not interact" that everyone sees except me.

Even if people hated me it would be something, and at least I'd know they would feel good to see me suffering.

I'm not an interesting person at all, the moment I'm not working on some random short project or a long one that will be unfinished forever I'm doing basically nothing worth caring about.

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